Happenstance is also a 12 letter word

So I’m stressing over the number of profile views I have - because, you know, girls get hundreds every month, and I’m stuck here with a few measily tens.  I’m thinking I should whore myself out - maybe put up naked pictures (no, not of me, that would have the opposite effect) of naked girls and change my name to (trying to think of a name that doesn’t belong to anyone I know) … um, "Oprah".

Yeah, I figure naked pics of a girl called Oprah (let’s make her white for the purposes of this brief discussion) should attract a lot of guys who just want to add me randomly.

And I was all set to do that - cept I don’t actually want guys adding me, so I’ve shelved that idea for an April Fool gimmick.  Guys beware.  Her name may not be Oprah, but her personality and profile are going to be as artificial as her imaginary size Cs.

That not being the plan, (stay with me), I also momentarily decided on a "This is what your friends have been blogging about" mash-up.  You know, like the searches you get.  Only with me writing it instead of any automated processes picking up on trends, and popularity of phrase.

I would have to use sentences like:

1) Today I was depressed
2) because my run was on Sunday
3) so bitchy, I don’t know
4) what to wear to
5) hong kong, the flights are so
6) why can’t I find a gf/bf?
7) I miss them so much
My shoes
9) I slept with both of them in one week

That would make a readable blog.  Well, when I get ultra bored and revisit this idea again…

Ja Mata

But now it’s turned into a list of the TV series I watch!  Wooo!  Hello posterity!

Heroes (cool - like Lost, but with special powers.  Take that Jericho!)
Gilmore Girls (Season 7 and still excellent!)
How I Met Your Mother (omg.  Neil Patrick Harris is my hero!)
Boston Legal (clever, sharp, witty.  haha)
The Class (1/2 of Friends producer, anyone who likes nostalgia will appreciate this)
The Workout (Hmmm, lesbian gym instructor with jealous gf and Personalities)

Hmm, what else is fun and witty …

Watched but didn’t really like:
My Name is Earl
Everybody Hates Chris
Jericho

Would like to watch but haven’t got round to:
Grey’s Anatomy Season 2+

Oh, and I made carrot cake today cos I had a chocolate craving.  Did a bait and switch on myself.  Excellent …

Experience can’t be taught they say.  I figure that’s because there are certain things which you’d never expect to need to know.

Pancakes taught me something I didn’t know tonight.  They taught me that trying to microwave 1/3 of a bar of Galaxy chocolate to use as filling (to go along with the fresh banana slices of course) is not a good a idea.  Not.  A.  Good.  Idea.

Is this because:

a) I should have used a Mars bar instead?
b) I should have used the entirety of the Galaxy?
or
c) A bar of chocolate isn’t like Nutella, or chocolate syrup.  Its clever trick is that it’s a solid at room temperature, and it falls back to room temperature at a rapid rate even after it comes out in molten form from the microwave.  In fact, it’s such a rapid solidification process that unless you can swallow molten chocolate, banana and 2 large american pancakes in … oh, about 0.05 of a second … forget it.  Don’t bother trying it…

And that was my little piece of experience for the evening.  I’m not doing too badly though - I’ve somehow managed to spread some of the chunks of chocolate on the top of the pancake, with the banana slices sandwiched inside.  Yumyum.  Ish.

Must remember to restock on cooking chocolate.  Or chocolate syrup.  Chocolate syrup has multiple uses - some messy, but that’s what showers are for I suspect.

Today this is what amused me:

* At the hospital, someone answering the phone with the greeting: "Hi Jean!"
Haha … yes, lame … say it out loud.  Go on …

* Watching the Russell Peters DVD (Outsourced) (Go on, go buy it), and with the material already being racially edgy - listening to him mention the mandarin phrase for "this one" (well, it’s also a stop-gap "Um / Err / Like …") while also telling the audience how a black lady was standing in front of him in the KFC line in Shanghai…  SO not PC, but hey - he’s allowed to do it cos he’s not white =)

PS. The previous point is only funny if you know what the mandarin phrase sounds like…

Yes yes, the blog wasn’t very good today - but I’m allowed random downtime.  I’m not here to amuse you all the time.  Special subscription-paying visitors get to see the real humour 24/7.  You get what you pay for after all…

I could do a suitable approximation of entertaining teenage angst, but I figure there are enough Myspace sites for that already.

From my observations of the weather cycle, when the sun heats up moisture-filled air, it rises and travels somewhere (perhaps in the form of a cloud).  When it hits cold air, it condenses and falls downwards. 

Awww.  That’s sweet.

Now.  That being the case, remember to never stand underneath the air conditioning in an ultra-hot club.  You wanna know why? 

Because that’s not rain falling on your head.

That’s why!

Gross.  Ugh.  Ick.  Ewwww.

Confused as to how to approach this film?  Perhaps you want to blend in as one of the fans when it comes out in whatever country you’re in right now.

Worry no longer intrepid individual! I have the very etiquette guide you seek for any situation you might happen to be in.

1) Surprise — "What the snakes on a plane are you doing here?"
2) Fraud — "I got snaked on a plane by the car dealer."
3) Resignation — "Oh, snakes on a plane!"
4) Trouble — "I guess I’m snakes on a plane now."
5) Aggression — "GO SNAKE YOURSELF ON A PLANE!"
6) Disgust — "Snake me on a motherfucking plane."
7) Confusion — "What the…snakes on a plane…?"
Difficulty — "I don’t understand these snakes on a plane!"
9) Despair — "Snakes on a plane again…."
10) Pleasure — "I couldn’t be happier if I had snakes on a plane."
11) Displeasure — "What the motherfuck is going on here, snakes on a plane?"
12) Lost — "Where are we going and why are there snakes on a plane?"
13) Disbelief — "UN-SNAKES-ON-A-PLANE-BELIEVABLE!"
14) Retaliation — "Up your fucking snakes on a plane!"
15) Denial — "I didn’t do it. The snakes did. On a plane."
16) Perplexity — "I know everything to do with it, if it has anything to do with Snakes On A Plane."
17) Apathy — "Who really gives a snake on a plane, anyhow?"
18) Greetings — "How the snakes on a plane are ya?"
19) Suspicion — "Who the fuck are you, snakes on a plane?"
20) Panic — "Let’s get the snakes on a plane out of here."
21) Directions — "Fuck off, snakes on a plane."
22) Awe — "How the snakes on a plane did you do that?"

1) Surprise — "What the snakes on a plane are you doing here?"
2) Fraud –
"I got snaked on a plane by the car dealer."
3) Resignation — "Oh, snakes
on a plane!"
4) Trouble — "I guess I’m snakes on a plane now."
5)
Aggression — "GO SNAKE YOURSELF ON A PLANE!"
6) Disgust — "Snake me on a
motherfucking plane."
7) Confusion — "What the…snakes on a plane…?"

Difficulty — "I don’t understand these snakes on a plane!"
9)
Despair — "Snakes on a plane again…."
10) Pleasure — "I couldn’t be
happier if I had snakes on a plane."
11) Displeasure — "What the motherfuck
is going on here, snakes on a plane?"
12) Lost — "Where are we going and
why are there snakes on a plane?"
13) Disbelief –
"UN-SNAKES-ON-A-PLANE-BELIEVABLE!"
14) Retaliation — "Up your fucking
snakes on a plane!"
15) Denial — "I didn’t do it. The snakes did. On a
plane."
16) Perplexity — "I know everything to do with it, if it has
anything to do with Snakes On A Plane."
17) Apathy — "Who really gives a
snake on a plane, anyhow?"
18) Greetings — "How the snakes on a plane are
ya?"
19) Suspicion — "Who the fuck are you, snakes on a plane?"
20)
Panic — "Let’s get the snakes on a plane out of here."
21) Directions –
"Fuck off, snakes on a plane."
22) Awe — "How the snakes on a plane did you
do that?"

And there you go.  All your problems are solved.  Aren’t you glad you spent the 1 minute it took to ready that?

Friends that know me know I don’t eat much.

Today I was feeling cheap (read: thrifty, budget-limited, financially frugal), so I bought some sirloin steak variant from a supermarket and had a vietnamese-themed surprise meal at home around 5/6pm.  That was lunch, because I woke up at 1pm - and breakfast weighed in around 2pm because of my busy schedule today.

Unbeknownst to me, my chilled-out evening was punctuated by a surprise dinner at 9ish in a korean restaurant (quite a large meal - just about right for 2 hungry people … cept I wasn’t really that hungry, but I stuffed myself anyways), and then dessert at Haagen Dazs around 11pm or so…

Another hungry visitor around 1am meant that we ended up in another restaurant eating a FULL (4-dishes + rice + more drinks worth) meal.  Wow.

That’s a lot of food :p

I think I’m full now… I can’t eat the cake that’s sitting in the nice cake box next to me.

Urgh.  Not doing that again

I’ve been using these abbrevs. incorrectly all this time.  I will commit them to memory!

Somehow, I doubt I could have phrased it better.  This should be in my ‘About Me’ section =)

This’ll be short but brief.  I’ve annotated the pictures to help you out.  While on holiday, I had the opportunity to dine with two farmers (although they sometimes fish for their food too, as the 2nd photo attests). 

Poor though they might be, they know how to make the best of what they have!  All in-all, it was an interesting short trip to one of the less dangerous islands in the philippine archepelago.

The area might look a little run down, but the woods just off from their little shack provides more than enough game and natural vegetation for their needs. 

The dog meat was a little chewy, but strangely it somehow tasted fine with the plantain.

Perhaps I’ll get my cook to rustle something similar up back at home.  Although perhaps she would balk somewhat at the thought of roasting a whole dog on a spit.

It was a glorious afternoon on the beach.  One of the natives had to go and collect his catch as the tide was starting to come in. 

The netting was made of coarse hemp and wire - they’d managed to salvage buoyancy aids from a shipwreck some months ago.  The jury-rigged tool worked remarkably well.

Well done farmers!  A+ for ingenuity and resourcefulness in this remote village habitat.

What a glorious place to live though.